You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
