New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
