If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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