cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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