does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize