im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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