Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize