Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
