a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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