I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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