Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize