I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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