Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
