Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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