Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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