She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
