Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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