you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
