Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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