marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
