Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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