is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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