After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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