Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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