the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
