I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
