Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
