Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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