Jerry, you need to find god
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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