thus making me awesome and them whores
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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