She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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