I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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