Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Randomize
