There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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