I want to stick my p in your. b.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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