getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
