i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
