I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
