You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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