Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize