My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
