Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
