i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
