If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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