Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
