my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
