Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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