Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How naked do you want me to be?
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