OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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