i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
