Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize