worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
