I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
