No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
