i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
