I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
