Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
