wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize