i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
