I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
