My cat gives me a boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
