well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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