The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
