It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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